Date: 2010-09-10 03:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] velvet-tipping.livejournal.com
i mean...i feel like there is a difference between knowing how trauma will play out and actually experiencing caring for someone who has been through trauma, just as there was a difference for me in terms of knowing academically how trauma could play out for an abuse survivor and actually experiencing it. it sounds like this woman did internalize the idea that the kids were behaving this way to spite her after a while where it seemed like she put in a lot of patience without a clear result. i think it was messed up that she started with the initial idea that she wanted children to complete her perfect life or whatever, but i'm not sure i could fault her for being upset and feeling worn out when she didn't know how to reach the kids.

Date: 2010-09-10 03:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lost-letters.livejournal.com
I'm really sick of people making excuses for bad adoptive parents. This shit happens all the time, this story isn't a snapshot its part of a narrative in which this happens over and over again

Date: 2010-09-10 03:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] velvet-tipping.livejournal.com
k. i'm sorry that i overstepped.

Date: 2010-09-10 03:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lost-letters.livejournal.com
Thank you, I really appreciate this apology

Date: 2010-09-10 03:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oh-annalouise.livejournal.com
It's funny how easy and socially acceptable it is for adoptive parents to say really extreme things about parenting children with special needs.

Whereas, any adopted child who express even the slightest dissatisfaction with their family is ungrateful.

And if a biological parents expresses even the mildest version of those sentiments people just freak the fuck out. oh I just would never and blah blah blah.

I think it's all about how adopted parents embrace this idea of self-martyrdom and the more an adoptive parent call their adoptive child terrible the more of a virtuous martyr they are. Totally different rules.

Date: 2010-09-10 03:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lost-letters.livejournal.com
yes all so true, even the "good" adoptive parents I know of ran the "you should be grateful to me" thing the whole of their children's child hood and that is intensified in older child adoptions and Trans national/racial adoption (so is obviously proportionate to the worth of the child in the parents head)

and I wonder if her children gave her permission to talk about them like that with their names and a picture of them , I'm betting they didn't and that is an enormous boundary breach and breach of trust

Date: 2010-09-10 04:09 pm (UTC)
siduri1959: (bear2)
From: [personal profile] siduri1959
The father seemed to be absent, and I did I miss something, or were they actively seeking help for the children? Obviously, they knew going into this adoption the children had problems and it was not going to be a fairy tale.

Did the father literally drink himself to death? How DID these people get to adopt these kids?

Date: 2010-09-10 09:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lost-letters.livejournal.com
I think he was away with his work a lot. The most unsuitable people get to be adoptive parents

Date: 2010-09-10 04:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] visual-syntax.livejournal.com
Why the hell didn't she get them into therapy?

Date: 2010-09-10 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lost-letters.livejournal.com
I know it doesn't make any sense, they clearly weren't short of money and any way social services or the NHS could have paid for it

Date: 2010-09-10 05:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] entelodont.livejournal.com
That is such a gross article. Could she be any more self-centered? And the comment suggesting that article be used as a "training aid", Jesus Christ.

Date: 2010-09-10 10:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lost-letters.livejournal.com
a training aid in how not to do it would be its only use

Date: 2010-09-10 05:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] animaltime.livejournal.com
Shame on her for putting her kids' names out in public like that. That's simply cold.

You would think the couple would have done some research into adopting older children before they decided to go through with it.

It's also a bit creepy that most of the comments seem to give her unqualified support without at all considering the history or feelings of the children.

Date: 2010-09-10 10:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lost-letters.livejournal.com
thats pretty much adoption in a nutshell

Date: 2010-09-11 02:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jamjar-girl.livejournal.com
Yes, they do (want a medal, that is). This lady should have read "The Primal Wound". So much of what she referred to is actually detailed in that book. What I find particularly hard is that the adoptive parents are portrayed as so altruistic (though it is written from her perspective so I guess it's understandable) whereas the children...I just can't put it into words, it's too upsetting. No real consideration is given to what the children are having to cope with - every day of their lives.

Date: 2010-09-12 01:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syvilan.livejournal.com
As you may know my opinion of adoption went down dramatically not long ago. On that subject: It's ridiculous to willingly go out of your way to adopt a child, then complain that it's too much.

If someone feels like raising a child is too exhausting for them, they shouldn't do it in the first place. Part of what's to blame is the idea that by becoming a parent that you'll raise your social status, which I think is partially behind these parents who adopt even though they don't have what it takes.

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