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is to love and be loved

so I was listening to Displaced and November by azure ray by azure ray because they are beautiful and the lyrics really calm me when I'm stressed about my depression

relevant lyrics )

and they remind me of the second year of uni, when I was so sick with depression that stringing a sentence together was a mammoth effort and walking across a room was like climbing a mountain, and it was a horrible awfull time, but what those songs bring back to me was how much I was loved how much love and support and care was given to me by six beautiful people who, not incidentally are the only six people from uni that i still have regular contact with and consider an important part of my life. so I was thinking how lucky I am to have awesome people in my life even though I am difficult and sometimes really hard work, and then I was reading my friends list and I saw one of those people who supported me when I was that sick had writen this and I thought it was just awesome it totally reminds me of how I feel when things are good, an that I can build my life around myself, It reminds me of the feeling I get when the depression clears and I feel strong and focused and in love with the world

Remember you can stand-up and walk out

i forget this, I forget this too often, it isn't that I want to walk out, but the flip side of knowing you can walk out but you don't is that you choose to be there, and I choose to be here, and I need to be more proactive in choosing how my life works and what I want to happen in it.

This is your life, remember, remember what you warned yourself against.

this is something I have forgotten to do of late. I will not bow to the gods of mediocrity or worship at the alter of the status quo or as Runrig say trade all that fire of living,
For the fickle and the bland

I need to remember or relearn how to live honestly, vibrantly and passionately

yo Suzie, love you


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October 2010

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