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I work with adolescents who have fallen through the education system and I cant ignore the fact that the adolescent boys I work with, One has been so damaged that he only makes sense about 40% of the time, one of them cant afford new shoes even though the ones hes wearing are split along the seams,and one is on the autistic spectrum. They do not have and will never have the privilege and chances and choices that the middle class university educated women who are big noises on the British feminist scene have. Yes they have more privilege than the adolescent girls I work with have but its still crumbs.

The more I interrogate my adoption issues the more I come to terms with the effect class had on my life, the effect where I come from had on my life and how its shaped me, and the shaming attitudes and prejudice towards where I come from that I received from the middle class adults all around me during my childhood and adolescence and most feminists I've ever met have no fucking Idea what that feels like, or what it feels like to be hungry, homeless, or stuck in a psych unit.

as I've said before feminists have dropped the ball on issues surrounding motherhood and repro justice, but those feminists who want to be parents often have no problem riding roughshod over other women's reproductive rights if it means they get a child out of it.

there's an assumption that the system largely WORKS because it works for THEM, because it works for middle class, able bodied, white, cis, hetero women then it mostly works it just needs tweaking here and there, they dont see how it doesn't work for others, how it causes systemic violence and hardship to others

I am so fucking sick of discussions about body hair and make up, I dont care what some one looks like or who they fuck, I'm not interested in peoples individual choices about things like that too often that turns into a feminist circle jerk of "I'm more feminist than thou" and doesn't take into account intersecting oppressions or life experiences.It's what people do in the wider sphere that interests me, I really dont think standing on street corners protesting is going to change anything. the people I work with and a large chunk of my religious community are making way more difference than most of the feminists I know, they are doing the hard graft ground work of supporting oppressed marginalised people and making resources available for them. None of them would dream of calling themselves feminist, they just do this shit because it's important because someone needs to do it.

I am sick of the invisablising of lives that arnt theirs, the silencing of voices that arnt theirs, the disbelif of experinces that arnt theirs, the dumbass middle class femmininity reaction of "but why do you have to be so meeeeen?" or "anger never got any one any where" bullshit when they are called out on any of this stuff.


but what do I call myself instead - "are you a feminist?" "no I'm a community weaver" doesnt really work
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The other day the BBC ran an article on what they referred to as Sham Marriages which irritated me anyway, I don't care why people get married and i hate the pretence that marriage has always and forever been about love and reports like this totally stir up racism and anti immigration sentiment. But the thing that really made me angry about the report was there was no discussion of the woman's position in the transaction. One of the woman in the linked clip is a Roma woman who speaks no English and sure as hell does not look happy about the situation. Apparently most of the women involved are Eastern European and speak no or little English. The transactions are made between the men and the men organising are given the money not the woman. Seriously? can anybody say "people trafficking"? because it appears the BBC don't recognise it when they see it
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(I didn't write this, I dont know who did)

* Don't assume your right to get your rocks off extends any farther than the end of your own hand. The only person in the entire world who owes you sexual release, is you. If you get it from anyone else, it's either a gift, or it's a theft, full stop.

* Don't assume stimulation equals obligation. Just because you can see skin, or hair, or a pretty arse, you don't have any right to inflict your hormones on the owner of said skin, hair, or arse. He or she owes you nothing beyond your right to see what's in front of you.

* Don't assume anger, frustration, or arousal creates any form of excuse for rape. Plenty of people get mad, frustrated, and aroused every day, and they haven't raped anybody.

* The same goes for childhood abuse. If you choose to become a monster, it's still your choice.

* Don't assume opportunity equals permission. Just because you could take sex from someone who is asleep, or passed out, doesn't in any way lessen the fact that you'd be TAKING it. And that is rape, full stop. Even if the person has told you yes in the past. Really it is.

* Don't use drugs, threats, or emotional or social blackmail to enforce compliance with your sexual demands. That is rape, and it makes you a rapist. Don't do it.

* Don't assume silence equals complicity. If you're telling your buddy about what you'd like to do to that ho with the tramp stamp if you could get her outside, and he says nothing in response, it's probably not because he thinks you're cool. He's probably just trying to control his revulsion. Because most men don't actually like the idea of rape, even if their buddies seem to.

* If you're sexing up another human being, and you don't hear a 'yes' from them, then there is a possibility that you do NOT actually have their consent. And that means what you're doing could be rape. Do not proceed until consent is clear, and you've heard that 'yes'.

* If you're sexing up another being who does not have the legal ability to give their consent, such as a child, or an animal, then you are committing a crime, even if they seem keen on it.

* Don't further rape culture by going with the flow, not making waves, or pretending you don't see it. Often, all it takes to stop a sexual assault or a rape, is for an obvious witness to be there, clearly ready to report what happens. For the would-be rapist to realize that he will be remembered when the cops come asking about it. Be the one who doesn't look away. Be the one who doesn't mind your own business. Be the one who helps the girl or boy get away safely that night.

* Don't further rape culture by doubting a victim's claim of rape just because he or she does not show obvious signs of a struggle. That is you saying, in effect, 'the right to not be sexually used does not actually belong to you, you have to win it, and I don't think you tried hard enough, therefore you don't deserve it.'

* Don't pretend rape is funny. Because when it's in your house, there's nothing funny about it. Before you share that joke about rape, picture yourself telling it to a woman in the emergency room, who's being given an exam by a sexual assault nurse. Imagine telling it to the woman's father and mother, or her husband and children, then see if you still think it's funny.

* Don't assume if a person hasn't said 'no', that it means they're consenting. Find out, or back out. Don't wait till later to learn that your partner was too afraid of you to say it wasn't fun, and they wanted you to stop. Because that's rape too.

* Don't pretend you can't stop what you're doing at any point in time. If you were engaged in sex and your partner suddenly produced a knife and wanted to cut your ear off for their own sexual gratification, you'd damn well want to stop things, and if you couldn't make your partner stop, then that would mean YOU had been raped. Well, you can damn well stop things if your partner says 'no, I don't want to, get off me,' and I don't care HOW far along you are.

* Don't pretend that marrying a man or a woman gives you any right to them sexually. Your husband or your wife still has every right to refuse sex if they don't want to have it. And to ignore, or abridge that right is rape. Yes it is.

* Prevent rape by not raping people. Prevent rape by not laying the responsibility for that prevention on the potential victims, or on law enforcement. Prevent rape by recognizing that committing it is never excusable, and is always a crime. Prevent rape by refusing to accept rapist's excuses. Prevent rape by refusing to allow it to be anything BUT rape.
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So Ruth Padel who was elected Oxford Professor of Poetry has resigned after she apparently took part in a "smear" campaign to discredit her rival Derek Walcott. I'm just kind of hmmm about the whole situation, firstly while I think her actions were not sensible from a pragmatic viewpoint, I doubt she would have felt the pressure to resign if shed been a man who sent an email expressing concern about a fellow candidates past behavior. Male poets and writers are allowed to get up to all sorts of shenanigans and are more often than not congratulated on it or at least indulged with a kind of "well you can't expect him to behave himself he's an artist" thing going on. Added to this top level academia is notoriously cut throat and it seems that ruthless ambition is a necessary characteristic needed to survive in it but presumably that is only acceptable in men, women must be punished for it.

Padell was apparently doing this for good reasons, she is quoted in the independent as saying she had felt compelled to remind journalists of the allegations against her 78-year-old rival because female students had come to her expressing concerns that Walcott's past was being "brushed under the carpet." So she was supporting other women in the academic system and telling the truth about how some men behave within that system but she was the one who got punished for it.

These allegations against Derek Walcott are not new or apparently substanceless, according to Katy Evans-Bush at Comment is free: Walcott was disciplined by Harvard University in 1982 (after which the university updated its sexual harassment policy) and settled out of court with another student, Nicole Niemi (now Kelby), at Boston University in 1996. He justified himself on the first occasion saying his teaching style was "deliberately personal and intense". In fact, it was so intense, according to the student who complained, that after she refused his advances, he refused to discuss her work and gave her a C, which the university later raised to a pass

But there's still a general feeling in the media that Padell shouldn't have bought it up because it's somehow not playing fair, as if sexual harassment of students is just a jape, as if it is something that can be brushed under the carpet, as if somehow those students were just collateral damage in the life of a brilliant man (I don't know Walcotts poetry so I have no idea whether he is brilliant or not, but that's the gist of much of the reporting.) Amit Chaudri goes to far as to say that the resurrection of this piece of Walcott's past is "opportunistic and "unfortunate" maybe it was opportunistic, there is certainly an argument for that. But it is "unfortunate"? It's unfortunate that men harass women, certainly, but why is it unfortunate that women then tell the truth about it? (except of course for the men who commit the crimes in the first place.)

There's also a kind of odd theme running through many of the opinion pieces on the issue. that of GOSH! poets behaving like human beings! how scandalous! As if poets are supposed to be detached from humanity, as if they are somehow supposed to have purer motives than "normal" people. To be a good poet you have to be fully human, fully engaged with the world. Although we life in a society that is constantly trying to make it so, poetry is not at heart an academic discipline, it is a physical, spacial, spiritual discipline. If we don't engage with and experience the world we can't write about it. This is not however an excuse for male poets to behave like predators and expect to get away with it.
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The writing in this book was not as bad as I’d been led to believe it was going to be but the book itself was teeth grindingly awful all the same, I only picked it up because ~I wanted to judge it for myself rather than believing all the hype surrounding it. It horrified me in a way that had nothing to do with vampires,

Firstly as soon as Bella moves in with her father she turns into a surrogate housewife pretty much, doing the cooking and laundry even though he’s been feeding himself and doing his own laundry for years.

I don’t understand how the relationship between Bella and Edward is supposed to be romantic and seductive and all those other things it’s been touted as. Edward comes across as a scary controlling sadistic stalker that Bella should run far away from at the soonest possible opportunity

Someone breaking in to your room to watch you sleep every night, or taking you places you don’t want to go because they are physically stronger than you, or repetitively telling you that they are so much stronger than you and could easily kill you if they wanted to, or telling you it’s your fault the other vampire wanted to drink you because you smelled so nice, (rape apoligism much?) is really disturbing and adds up to the kind of relationship where the woman eventually ends up getting killed rather than true love.

I think the issue of abusive relationships is something that should be discussed in adolescent literature, very much so, but the problems with this book is that firstly this isn’t presented as an abusive relationship and secondly there are no healthy romantic relationships in the book, Bella’s best friend, who is clearly only a foil to move the story on, there is no depth of connection between the characters, is obsessed with her boyfriend, Bella’s mother, who is drawn as flaky and dependant seems to be following her partner round the country like a devoted sheep dog.

There was an article in the womans literary journal Mslexia about the author Stephanie Meyer that I found really problematic. Apparently the twilight series is Buffy the Vampire slayer without its smart arsed humour - and its sex drugs and rock and roll so Buffy without some of the bits people really, really liked, but it’s also Buffy without well drawn characters or deep rich female friendships/relationships or opposing viewpoints or any healthy relationships. Buffys relationship with Angel, especially after he came back from Angelus was somewhat problematic but firstly there was discussions amongst Buffy’s friends about that but also Willow and Oz had a loving non abusive relationship and even Xander and Cordelia, while being a really bizarre pairing, weren’t’t abusive to each other.

Also apparently Meyer wrote the book partly because she wanted to show teens that abstinence was possible and a good thing. If I had a teenage daughter I would rather she was having sex in a consensual loving non abusive relationship than practicing abstinence while in an abusive one.

According to Mslexia in the next book in the series Edward’s lust for his new wife causes her such physical injury that he dare not make love to her again until she becomes a vampire herself. Because clearly men can’t control themselves, they just get caught up in the heat of the moment, and women should give up everything they are so their partners are sexually satisfied. Also who the hell would define damaging someone like that as making love

One of the things that disturbs me most about this though is that it’s a best seller and teenage girls love it! How do we still live in a society that teaches teenage girls, that scary obsessive stalkers are romantic? How do we live in a society that doesn’t teach teenage girls that equality is sexy, that covert threats are still threats, that the phrase “he’s controlling because he loves me” is contradictory.
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I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you moved out, and I don't sleep on a bed of bones

(from "restless" BtVS season 4)

I woke up, I had breakfast, I went to church, i played with the dogs, i messed around on the Internet, and I didn't have a sign saying "survivor of forced prostitution" stuck to my forehead

I laugh, iI love, I hate, I fuck, I grow vegetables, I spill things, i watch too much television, I have a really sweet tooth, see I'm this incredibly complex often really annoying whole rounded human being

I'm not a cardboard cutout, I'm not your exhibit A, I'm not your ideal survivor, I don't want your pity, I don't want you to tell me I'm doing my healing wrong. I'm covered in tattoos which your sheila jeffries would claim as a violation of my body, well I've had my body violated and i know what its like, and tattoos arnt it, tattoos are a reclamation after a violation

and I like sucking cock, and I like fucking men and that too is a reclamation after all the things men did to me, it is not "Stockholm syndrome" or capitulating to the patriarchy it is letting myself be healed enough to share my life, my body my wants with a man that loves me, and that took so, so much work and is such a victory that i don't appreciate it being denigrated.

you ignore me, you ignore my words because I'm the wrong sort of victim, because I refuse to stay where you put me, because I am no longer a mental and emotional mess because of male violence. because you don't think I'm wounded enough

believe me I'm wounded "enough" i have scars all down my forearm, I wake up screaming sometimes, I live with depression and PTSD, I'm infertile, but I'm not telling you that because I don't fucking trust you. You will use my words against me or you will tell me I'm wrong, that it didn't happen the way I say it did, you will tell me what it means when it is up to me to decide what it means, you will erase my words if I talk about my experiences in a way that doesn't further your narrow political aims. Also i don't sit around thinking how wounded I am, I'm healing the bits I can, living with the bits I cant and you know just getting on with my life

you get angry with me when you think i'm not doing enough for "the cause" seriously you know what i do to support women who have been involved in forced prostitution? I survive. Besides which my talents and my passions lie elsewhere, I'm not all that interested in working on porn/prostitution stuff from any angle.

Also you use women, you get them to repeat themselves over and over again to tell you all the gory details over and overagain without oftering them real suport, without offering them any sugestions for real healing. you objectify and retraumatise women, you tell them what they should be thinking rather than giving them tools to help them think for themselves, you talk to them over and over again about porn and prostitution without thinking you might be triggering the shit out of them,

I want none of that, take your pity and your powergames elswhere and let me do my healing in my own way
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1)We hate men
2)we think all men are rapists
3)we think women are worth more than men
4)we sit around whining and not trying to make things better for ourselves or other women
5)focusing on women and wanting women only spaces makes us sexist
6)if we talk about oppression we have been on the receiving end of as women we are "tarring all men with the same brush" or "bashing men" or "reveling in our victim status"
7)were anti sex

for me feminism is about ending opresion, all opression, it is about giving women a voice, education, saftey,political power, equal pay,reproductive choice, bodily autonomy,it is about learning and teaching that women matter, it is working for the right of women everywhere to have independance and self determination.

It is about giving us a space to talk about rape, abuse and violence and put it in a political and social context not just a personal one.

It is about supporting other women and bulding strong powerfull relationships that matter.
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from http://www.abuseofpower.info/WomansCreed.htm


We are female human beings poised on the edge of the new millennium. We are the majority of our species, yet we have dwelt in the shadows. We are the invisible, the illiterate, the laborers, the refugees, the poor.

And we vow: No more.

We are the women who hunger—for rice, home, freedom, each other, ourselves.

We are the women who thirst—for clean water and laughter, literacy, love.

We have existed at all times, in every society. We have survived femicide. We have rebelled—and left clues.

We are continuity, weaving future from past, logic with lyric.

We are the women who stand in our sense, and shout Yes.

We are the women who wear broken bones, voices, minds, hearts—but we are the women who dare whisper No.

We are the women whose souls no fundamentalist cage can contain.

We are the women who refuse to permit the sowing of death in our gardens, air, rivers, seas.

We are each precious, unique, necessary. We are strengthened and blessed and relieved at not having to be all the same. We are the daughters of longing. We are the mothers in labor to birth the politics of the 21st century.

We are the women men warned us about.

We are the women who know that all issues are ours, who will reclaim our wisdom, reinvent our tomorrow, question and redefine everything, including power.

We have worked now for decades to name the details of our need, rage, hope, vision. We have broken our silence, exhausted our patience. We are weary of listing refrains on our suffering—to entertain or be simply ignored. We are done with vague words and real waiting; famishing for action, dignity, joy. We intend to do more than merely endure and survive.

They have tried to deny us, define us, defuse us, denounce us; to jail, enslave, exile, gas, rape, beat, burn, bury—and bore us. Yet nothing, not even the offer to save their failed system, can grasp us.

For thousands of years, women have had responsibility without power—while men have had power without responsibility. We offer those men who risk being brothers a balance, a future, a hand. But with or without them, we will go on.

For we are the Old Ones, the New Breed, the Natives who came first but lasted, indigenous to an utterly different dimension. We are the girlchild in Zambia, the grandmother in Burma, the woman in El Salvador and Afghanistan, Finland and Fiji. We are whale-song and rainforest; the depth-wave rising huge to shatter glass power on the shore; the lost and despised who, weeping, stagger into the light.

All this we are. We are intensity, energy, the people speaking—who no longer will wait and who cannot be stopped.

We are poised on the edge of the millennium—ruin behind us, no map before us, the taste of fear sharp on our tongues.

Yet we will leap.

The exercise of imagining is an act of creation.

The act of creation is an exercise of will.

All this is political. And possible.

Bread. A clean sky. Active peace. A woman's voice singing somewhere, melody drifting like smoke from the cookfires. The army disbanded, the harvest abundant. The wound healed, the child wanted, the prisoner freed, the body's integrity honored, the lover returned. The magical skill that reads marks into meaning. The labor equal, fair, and valued. Delight in the challenge for consensus to solve problems. No hand raised in any gesture but greeting. Secure interiors—of heart, home, land—so firm as to make secure borders irrelevant at last. And everywhere laughter, care, celebration, dancing, contentment. A humble, early paradise, in the now.

We will make it real, make it our own, make policy, history, peace, make it available, make mischief, a difference, love, the connection, the miracle, ready.

Believe it.

We are the women who will transform the world.
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So in I'm chairing the next feminist discussion meeting and the title is "feminist activism" Partly because there is a real issue in the group that while people turn up to the discussion meetings very few are actually involved in the activism we do and we think its a real issue.

I personally think that as society has become more consumerist and more individual people pick labels for themselves and don't work out what that actually means or what that actually entails. To me "feminist" is not an identity label, it is a principled political position that entails working for change, that entails working with others and actually doing stuff. Talking about it is not the end point its the beginning point. The discussion groups are good and important but if that is all people do I'm not sure they can call themselves feminists.

I'm not really sure how to structure it but I'm going to put forward these questions as discussion points and see what that kick starts

What is feminist activism?
What is the relationship between feminist friendships and activism?
What can we learn about activism from older feminists?
Difference between group activism and individual activism?
How do we radicalise ourselves and others into activism?
What is the place of activism within feminism?

I know that feminist activism isn't just what happens in feminist spaces, I know that. I consider the fact that I'm setting up a women only depression support group as feminist activism and raising strong female children and non sexist/misogynistic male children is feminist activism. And empowering female students. And supporting women, emotionally, practically, financially, politically all this is activism I think, so I think that all feminists do do some sort of activism but I think what we are more concerned about is practical activism that the group can do together.

I also think that if you do activism together, if you know you have a group of women supporting you with the big things then it makes the piecemeal individual activism easier to do I think. I know certainly I am more focused on feminism in my personal life if I have a group of women I can talk about feminism with and who I know are actively trying to change things.


I'm going to use
The womans timeline to illustrate that things change when activism happens.

and

this

and

this,
to start discussions

if anyone can suggest some more links on the relationship between feminism and activism that would be cool.
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Something that really, really pisses me off is men expecting women to educate them on feminism and at the same time behaving like they are doing us a favour or its some great benevolent act on their part that they are interested.

I was sorting the emails in the feminist group email account the other day and one of the emails was from a male student basically wanting to come a long and take notes on the group, and interview "key members" for an assignment he was doing.

he prefaced this by saying i hold pro feminism views, although my knowledge is quite hazy at best, how can you hold pro feminist views if your knowledge of feminism is hazy exactly? How can you know feminism (or any political movement) is something you want to support until you know what it is?

Anyway I told him no, he couldn't come and take notes, because we were not guinea pigs, members may very well feel uncomfortable and guarded in what they say if they knew it was going to be written up by someone outside the group, it wasn't our job to educate men about feminism and we were an egalitarian group so we didn't have "Key members"

And he sent me this really rude passive aggressive email in reply, clearly pissed off that we wouldn't cater to his needs. He told me I hadn't understood what he was asking when I clearly had. Ive noticed that the passive aggressive thing is really common as well, it happens a lot online when men post to feminist blogs asking completely inane questions which are totally googleable and then the female posters are like "go find out for yourself" and the men say something like "I was only trying to learn, you should be pleased/grateful I'm interested" Like what does he want a cookie?


Its not that I think men shouldn't be involved in feminism, I think they should, our group is open to men, I just think it is not our job to educate them on what feminism is, there are plenty of resources both online and in book form that they can find to educate themselves.

It has always been women's job to cater to men's need and wants and I'm dammed if I'm going to let that happen in feminist spaces.
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So I'm having a long convoluted email conversation with a couple of people about a lot of different bits and pieces and one of them said

I also have issues about the word “rape”, I find it horribly objectifying since it refers to devaluing of property rather than assault,

And I kind of get where shes coming from but I think I disagree, I mean yes when It became a crime to have sex with a woman by force that was because it was seen as a crime of theft that something was being stolen from a father or a husband but language changes and society changes and i think on several levels not using the word rape would be problematic

firstly I do think rape is a kind of theft but theft from the woman, theft of her sense of bodily integrity, of her trust in the world, of her assumption that she is safe, of her peace of mind, and often of her mental wellness. Many women also experience rape as the actual theft of the body, they become detached from their bodies, think of it as something that no longer belongs to them.

But also according to The online etymology dictionary the word rape derives from c.1386, "seize prey, take by force," from Anglo-Fr. raper, O.Fr. raper "to seize, abduct," a legal term, from L. rapere "seize, carry off by force, abduct" which isn't really the same thing as theft, it suggests kidnap more than steal I would say.

Also what word do we use if we don't use rape? I don't think the term "sexual assault " cuts it really because people do not think of forced penetrative sex when that term is used I don't think. And I do think being raped is worse that being other wise sexually assaulted.

Also for many women who have been raped the word itself is incredibly powerful and difficult to say, difficult to claim as an experience and when they can say the word "rape" or say "I was aped" or say "he raped me" that is often the point that healing can begin.
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So I had a long conversation with other Paul, some of which consisted of fighting (fighting with Other Paul means me shouting and him very calmly and gently apologising) but also he was telling me what other people Id been at college with were doing with the rest of their lives and I was like "don't tell me that it makes me feel crap because I'm not doing anything with my life" he pointed out that that really isn't true. And I guess it isn't. so I don't have a paid job but i need to learn not to set my worth the way the capitalist system sets worth, because I am being a useful member of society, i am just not being paid for it.

I do at least nine hours voluntary work a week and I really, really like my job and my manager has made it clear that she values me and likes working with me because I work hard and get stuff done.

I am averaging about two feminist meetings a month, which might go up to three if we have a social every month as well and I feel like I am doing important activism there we are currently running a campaign to raise awareness of how rape crises centres are shutting down.

I am in the very preliminary stages of setting up a women's depression support group in Caerphilly, which I will then run.

So you know I am doing usefull stuff with my life I guess. I just still have my parents voice in my head that pretty much said the only way to contribute to society was by getting a full time "respectable" job, or by bringing up your own children (which is quite interestiong inn itself considering I am not actualy my parents child)
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I want to change the world, I want to make it all okay, it will be all okay, I was so angry earlier, ragingly angry about everything about my whole life and thinking that my mother doesn't know how much i HATE HER and she doesn't know that i know that i always knew how much she hates me, how she resents me, how she has always been insanely jealous of me.
and I think through the jumble of thoughts of anger that maybe my commitment to feminism, to women is a way of atoning for the broken link between my mother and myself a way of connecting with and to other women in the most intense way i know how.

And I spent three hours tonight with strong beautiful women talking about feminism and practical activism and how feminism needs to plait the emotional intellectual and practical experiences together to create a working feminism that changes things. that calling yourself a feminist isn't enough you have to walk it as well as talk it, it isn't a lifestyle choice it is a principled political position.

And also i was thinking that i eat when I'm angry and more specifically I eat sugary crap when I'm angry because It pushes the anger down, it represses it, it makes it go away except obviously it doesn't really it just means i get sick and depressed. One of the best descriptions of depression i ever came across was "anger without enthusiasm" so what if instead of suppressing it i embraces my anger with enthusiasm and channeled it into my politics, used it to give me political energy and drive draw my personal into the publicly political. Get my revenge on my father by standing up for all those other people who are oppressed and damaged by this fucked up system we lived in.

I still cant make myself matter to myself but i may learn that, i may learn compassion for myself by working for the rights of other people who have been wounded.

I am working with the feminist action group but I might join the local No borders group as well.

We just spent the week with some one really important to us and it just really made me really realize that I really fucking miss being around women, when i was working nearly all my colleagues were female and then at uni pretty much everybody really important on my radar save for other Paul was female. Clearly i love Paul and i love living with him but I really need to build some strong female friendships here and hopefully through the feminist group i can do that. I do have some awesome female friends but I need women here i need them round me

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