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I dont live my life half as well as i should, i procrastinate, i flit, i try and do four things at once, I spend far too much time on line, i dont read as much as I should or as much as I used to, i dont make myself concentrate properly. I dont engage with my friends as much as I should

and I'm thinking this is a dumb way to live my life, with just a little more efort, concentration and streamlining I could get so much more from my life.

I'm going to start really engaing with everything that I do, really be in the experience and try not to have my head somewhere else, just do one thing at a time, not say, flick between the tv and the internet, or even not flick between browser windows, obviously doing more than one thing at once is a good thing such as listening to the radio while tidying or reading in the bath but generaly I want to retrain my brain to concentrate in the moment for significant periods of time. Partly this means if i'm going to do something I should try to do it well, thouroughly and for at least an hour,

I'm going to try and spend less time on line because I actualy think this will mean I get more out of my internet experience. I seem to have collected an awesome eljay friends list and I really want to interact with them rather than flicking through pointess internet stuff. Obvioulsy spending more time doing stuff means I will blog more often as well because I will have more to talk about.

Every day I am going to turn my net conection of at five, this means I wont be distracted when I am writing, bloging or writing emails, all which I will then send/post up the next day. It also means I will read more.I guess sometimes i might have it on so I can listen to radio playback but i wont use it to accses the net otherwise.
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So I had a long conversation with other Paul, some of which consisted of fighting (fighting with Other Paul means me shouting and him very calmly and gently apologising) but also he was telling me what other people Id been at college with were doing with the rest of their lives and I was like "don't tell me that it makes me feel crap because I'm not doing anything with my life" he pointed out that that really isn't true. And I guess it isn't. so I don't have a paid job but i need to learn not to set my worth the way the capitalist system sets worth, because I am being a useful member of society, i am just not being paid for it.

I do at least nine hours voluntary work a week and I really, really like my job and my manager has made it clear that she values me and likes working with me because I work hard and get stuff done.

I am averaging about two feminist meetings a month, which might go up to three if we have a social every month as well and I feel like I am doing important activism there we are currently running a campaign to raise awareness of how rape crises centres are shutting down.

I am in the very preliminary stages of setting up a women's depression support group in Caerphilly, which I will then run.

So you know I am doing usefull stuff with my life I guess. I just still have my parents voice in my head that pretty much said the only way to contribute to society was by getting a full time "respectable" job, or by bringing up your own children (which is quite interestiong inn itself considering I am not actualy my parents child)


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October 2010

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