map_of_the_world: (Default)
(I didn't write this, I dont know who did)

* Don't assume your right to get your rocks off extends any farther than the end of your own hand. The only person in the entire world who owes you sexual release, is you. If you get it from anyone else, it's either a gift, or it's a theft, full stop.

* Don't assume stimulation equals obligation. Just because you can see skin, or hair, or a pretty arse, you don't have any right to inflict your hormones on the owner of said skin, hair, or arse. He or she owes you nothing beyond your right to see what's in front of you.

* Don't assume anger, frustration, or arousal creates any form of excuse for rape. Plenty of people get mad, frustrated, and aroused every day, and they haven't raped anybody.

* The same goes for childhood abuse. If you choose to become a monster, it's still your choice.

* Don't assume opportunity equals permission. Just because you could take sex from someone who is asleep, or passed out, doesn't in any way lessen the fact that you'd be TAKING it. And that is rape, full stop. Even if the person has told you yes in the past. Really it is.

* Don't use drugs, threats, or emotional or social blackmail to enforce compliance with your sexual demands. That is rape, and it makes you a rapist. Don't do it.

* Don't assume silence equals complicity. If you're telling your buddy about what you'd like to do to that ho with the tramp stamp if you could get her outside, and he says nothing in response, it's probably not because he thinks you're cool. He's probably just trying to control his revulsion. Because most men don't actually like the idea of rape, even if their buddies seem to.

* If you're sexing up another human being, and you don't hear a 'yes' from them, then there is a possibility that you do NOT actually have their consent. And that means what you're doing could be rape. Do not proceed until consent is clear, and you've heard that 'yes'.

* If you're sexing up another being who does not have the legal ability to give their consent, such as a child, or an animal, then you are committing a crime, even if they seem keen on it.

* Don't further rape culture by going with the flow, not making waves, or pretending you don't see it. Often, all it takes to stop a sexual assault or a rape, is for an obvious witness to be there, clearly ready to report what happens. For the would-be rapist to realize that he will be remembered when the cops come asking about it. Be the one who doesn't look away. Be the one who doesn't mind your own business. Be the one who helps the girl or boy get away safely that night.

* Don't further rape culture by doubting a victim's claim of rape just because he or she does not show obvious signs of a struggle. That is you saying, in effect, 'the right to not be sexually used does not actually belong to you, you have to win it, and I don't think you tried hard enough, therefore you don't deserve it.'

* Don't pretend rape is funny. Because when it's in your house, there's nothing funny about it. Before you share that joke about rape, picture yourself telling it to a woman in the emergency room, who's being given an exam by a sexual assault nurse. Imagine telling it to the woman's father and mother, or her husband and children, then see if you still think it's funny.

* Don't assume if a person hasn't said 'no', that it means they're consenting. Find out, or back out. Don't wait till later to learn that your partner was too afraid of you to say it wasn't fun, and they wanted you to stop. Because that's rape too.

* Don't pretend you can't stop what you're doing at any point in time. If you were engaged in sex and your partner suddenly produced a knife and wanted to cut your ear off for their own sexual gratification, you'd damn well want to stop things, and if you couldn't make your partner stop, then that would mean YOU had been raped. Well, you can damn well stop things if your partner says 'no, I don't want to, get off me,' and I don't care HOW far along you are.

* Don't pretend that marrying a man or a woman gives you any right to them sexually. Your husband or your wife still has every right to refuse sex if they don't want to have it. And to ignore, or abridge that right is rape. Yes it is.

* Prevent rape by not raping people. Prevent rape by not laying the responsibility for that prevention on the potential victims, or on law enforcement. Prevent rape by recognizing that committing it is never excusable, and is always a crime. Prevent rape by refusing to accept rapist's excuses. Prevent rape by refusing to allow it to be anything BUT rape.
map_of_the_world: (Default)
So I'm having a long convoluted email conversation with a couple of people about a lot of different bits and pieces and one of them said

I also have issues about the word “rape”, I find it horribly objectifying since it refers to devaluing of property rather than assault,

And I kind of get where shes coming from but I think I disagree, I mean yes when It became a crime to have sex with a woman by force that was because it was seen as a crime of theft that something was being stolen from a father or a husband but language changes and society changes and i think on several levels not using the word rape would be problematic

firstly I do think rape is a kind of theft but theft from the woman, theft of her sense of bodily integrity, of her trust in the world, of her assumption that she is safe, of her peace of mind, and often of her mental wellness. Many women also experience rape as the actual theft of the body, they become detached from their bodies, think of it as something that no longer belongs to them.

But also according to The online etymology dictionary the word rape derives from c.1386, "seize prey, take by force," from Anglo-Fr. raper, O.Fr. raper "to seize, abduct," a legal term, from L. rapere "seize, carry off by force, abduct" which isn't really the same thing as theft, it suggests kidnap more than steal I would say.

Also what word do we use if we don't use rape? I don't think the term "sexual assault " cuts it really because people do not think of forced penetrative sex when that term is used I don't think. And I do think being raped is worse that being other wise sexually assaulted.

Also for many women who have been raped the word itself is incredibly powerful and difficult to say, difficult to claim as an experience and when they can say the word "rape" or say "I was aped" or say "he raped me" that is often the point that healing can begin.
map_of_the_world: (Default)
Found this on the internet, its ace

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bullshit, how about:

if a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a woman is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.

If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your flatmate or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
Don’t imply that it's in any way her fault.
Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions.

You can, too, help yourself.


map_of_the_world: (Default)

October 2010

345 6789


RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 21st, 2017 06:51 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios