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This woman's work
Oct. 24th, 2007 11:07 pmI want to change the world, I want to make it all okay, it will be all okay, I was so angry earlier, ragingly angry about everything about my whole life and thinking that my mother doesn't know how much i HATE HER and she doesn't know that i know that i always knew how much she hates me, how she resents me, how she has always been insanely jealous of me.
and I think through the jumble of thoughts of anger that maybe my commitment to feminism, to women is a way of atoning for the broken link between my mother and myself a way of connecting with and to other women in the most intense way i know how.
And I spent three hours tonight with strong beautiful women talking about feminism and practical activism and how feminism needs to plait the emotional intellectual and practical experiences together to create a working feminism that changes things. that calling yourself a feminist isn't enough you have to walk it as well as talk it, it isn't a lifestyle choice it is a principled political position.
And also i was thinking that i eat when I'm angry and more specifically I eat sugary crap when I'm angry because It pushes the anger down, it represses it, it makes it go away except obviously it doesn't really it just means i get sick and depressed. One of the best descriptions of depression i ever came across was "anger without enthusiasm" so what if instead of suppressing it i embraces my anger with enthusiasm and channeled it into my politics, used it to give me political energy and drive draw my personal into the publicly political. Get my revenge on my father by standing up for all those other people who are oppressed and damaged by this fucked up system we lived in.
I still cant make myself matter to myself but i may learn that, i may learn compassion for myself by working for the rights of other people who have been wounded.
I am working with the feminist action group but I might join the local No borders group as well.
We just spent the week with some one really important to us and it just really made me really realize that I really fucking miss being around women, when i was working nearly all my colleagues were female and then at uni pretty much everybody really important on my radar save for other Paul was female. Clearly i love Paul and i love living with him but I really need to build some strong female friendships here and hopefully through the feminist group i can do that. I do have some awesome female friends but I need women here i need them round me
and I think through the jumble of thoughts of anger that maybe my commitment to feminism, to women is a way of atoning for the broken link between my mother and myself a way of connecting with and to other women in the most intense way i know how.
And I spent three hours tonight with strong beautiful women talking about feminism and practical activism and how feminism needs to plait the emotional intellectual and practical experiences together to create a working feminism that changes things. that calling yourself a feminist isn't enough you have to walk it as well as talk it, it isn't a lifestyle choice it is a principled political position.
And also i was thinking that i eat when I'm angry and more specifically I eat sugary crap when I'm angry because It pushes the anger down, it represses it, it makes it go away except obviously it doesn't really it just means i get sick and depressed. One of the best descriptions of depression i ever came across was "anger without enthusiasm" so what if instead of suppressing it i embraces my anger with enthusiasm and channeled it into my politics, used it to give me political energy and drive draw my personal into the publicly political. Get my revenge on my father by standing up for all those other people who are oppressed and damaged by this fucked up system we lived in.
I still cant make myself matter to myself but i may learn that, i may learn compassion for myself by working for the rights of other people who have been wounded.
I am working with the feminist action group but I might join the local No borders group as well.
We just spent the week with some one really important to us and it just really made me really realize that I really fucking miss being around women, when i was working nearly all my colleagues were female and then at uni pretty much everybody really important on my radar save for other Paul was female. Clearly i love Paul and i love living with him but I really need to build some strong female friendships here and hopefully through the feminist group i can do that. I do have some awesome female friends but I need women here i need them round me
