Adoption induced rage

Today I hate social services and if I don’t get this out of my system I wont de stress

I wanted my pre adoption files and to do this I had to go to the local social services because theyd been passed on from the social services who dealt with my adoption. But its not simple and straightforward no, I had to have a discussion with a post adoption social worker on what my motivations were and what I wanted out of the information, so social services could judge if it was appropriate to give me my information. Because clearly I am not an adult and cant judge or decide my own motivations for my actions. I think post adoption support is usefull for those who want it (of whom which I wouldn’t be one) but it sure as hell shouldn’t be mandatory.

And the woman I was talking to pissed me of so much, I was trying to ask her why I had to go through this palava and she kept just saying “I cant give you the information about anybody else in your family” when at no point did I ask for the info on anyone else in my family, and then she said “well I have to follow procedure I cant make a special case for you” I wasn’t asking her to make a special case for me, I was trying to have a discussion on why there was this procedure and why any adult adoptee should go through it. Then she was all “no one else complains about it” Really? Gee that couldn’t be because you tell them that if they have the wrong attitudes and motivations you wont give them their information or help them search could it?

And she seriously fucking said “we have to go through this because for all we know you could be a mass murderer, and we need to make sure you are not” ! wtf. What kind of thing is that to say to someone? Way to show you don’t trust adult adoptees

So I had to give her loads of personal stuff about my life, that was none of her business and that I don’t really like sharing, stuff about my relationship with my partner and my siblings and my parents. I told her I didn’t see my adoptive parents much because they were not good people and she kept pushing and pushing me to tell her why which I refused to but she still felt the need to tell me in relation to this “lots of adoptions work out really well and everybody is happy with the arrangement” firstly why the hell did she feel the need to impart this piece of information? What was it supposed to achieve, and secondly “everybody”? really? Everybody involved is happy with the arrangement? Even with adoptions that work out well most adoptees aren’t “happy” they were adopted, but also lets take a poll of first parents shall we and see how many of them are happy about the adopotion., because I’m thinking that number will be vanishingly small.

And then she asked me if I was “content” with my life. What does that even mean, I don’t think humans are supposed to be content, I don’t think that’s part of the way we are built, but also what does it matter? No I’m not content, I’m restless and flighty and insecure and don’t ever belive that what I’ve got is here for keeps and all those other good things that kids who spend large chunks of their formative years in care are, but what business is it of hers and what does it have to do with me seeing my file? (I lied and told her that yes I was mainly content with my life)

Seriously information about me, should be available to me on my terms, not on the terms and whims of social services

And then I had to explaining the nature of my adoption and who I was reunion with and who I wasn’t etc and she was all “oh your adoption sounds really unusual” yeah no shit because all adoptions have their individual quirks so you know possibly the adoptee knows what best for herself support wise and should be forced into “support” from people who have no fucking idea what they are talking about and who treat her like a child