i mean...i feel like there is a difference between knowing how trauma will play out and actually experiencing caring for someone who has been through trauma, just as there was a difference for me in terms of knowing academically how trauma could play out for an abuse survivor and actually experiencing it. it sounds like this woman did internalize the idea that the kids were behaving this way to spite her after a while where it seemed like she put in a lot of patience without a clear result. i think it was messed up that she started with the initial idea that she wanted children to complete her perfect life or whatever, but i'm not sure i could fault her for being upset and feeling worn out when she didn't know how to reach the kids.