Whenever I find myself in really upsetting interpersonal situations (breaking up with boyfriends, fights with friends or family), it's usually attributable to a serious lack of long term or short term memory. Memories of connection, or connections, or loved ones. And in turn, after I have made it through that hard period, sometimes I feel no better off in terms of reclaiming the past or remembering what is important, what would help me make it through and keep going.
I would say that if I have a personal war, it's depression, and the worst part of the experience of depression for me is the toll it has taken on my memory, my past. I can't stand the way it either wipes out memory altogether, or, during a depressive episode, will revise and rewrite a memory to preclude a glimpse at the big picture, the rock solid foundation, will make me question even the presence of such a foundation.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2010-09-23 12:41 am (UTC)Whenever I find myself in really upsetting interpersonal situations (breaking up with boyfriends, fights with friends or family), it's usually attributable to a serious lack of long term or short term memory. Memories of connection, or connections, or loved ones. And in turn, after I have made it through that hard period, sometimes I feel no better off in terms of reclaiming the past or remembering what is important, what would help me make it through and keep going.
I would say that if I have a personal war, it's depression, and the worst part of the experience of depression for me is the toll it has taken on my memory, my past. I can't stand the way it either wipes out memory altogether, or, during a depressive episode, will revise and rewrite a memory to preclude a glimpse at the big picture, the rock solid foundation, will make me question even the presence of such a foundation.