To Prevent Rape...feel free to crosspost.
Sep. 15th, 2009 10:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
map_of_the_world(I didn't write this, I dont know who did)
* Don't assume your right to get your rocks off extends any farther than the end of your own hand. The only person in the entire world who owes you sexual release, is you. If you get it from anyone else, it's either a gift, or it's a theft, full stop.
* Don't assume stimulation equals obligation. Just because you can see skin, or hair, or a pretty arse, you don't have any right to inflict your hormones on the owner of said skin, hair, or arse. He or she owes you nothing beyond your right to see what's in front of you.
* Don't assume anger, frustration, or arousal creates any form of excuse for rape. Plenty of people get mad, frustrated, and aroused every day, and they haven't raped anybody.
* The same goes for childhood abuse. If you choose to become a monster, it's still your choice.
* Don't assume opportunity equals permission. Just because you could take sex from someone who is asleep, or passed out, doesn't in any way lessen the fact that you'd be TAKING it. And that is rape, full stop. Even if the person has told you yes in the past. Really it is.
* Don't use drugs, threats, or emotional or social blackmail to enforce compliance with your sexual demands. That is rape, and it makes you a rapist. Don't do it.
* Don't assume silence equals complicity. If you're telling your buddy about what you'd like to do to that ho with the tramp stamp if you could get her outside, and he says nothing in response, it's probably not because he thinks you're cool. He's probably just trying to control his revulsion. Because most men don't actually like the idea of rape, even if their buddies seem to.
* If you're sexing up another human being, and you don't hear a 'yes' from them, then there is a possibility that you do NOT actually have their consent. And that means what you're doing could be rape. Do not proceed until consent is clear, and you've heard that 'yes'.
* If you're sexing up another being who does not have the legal ability to give their consent, such as a child, or an animal, then you are committing a crime, even if they seem keen on it.
* Don't further rape culture by going with the flow, not making waves, or pretending you don't see it. Often, all it takes to stop a sexual assault or a rape, is for an obvious witness to be there, clearly ready to report what happens. For the would-be rapist to realize that he will be remembered when the cops come asking about it. Be the one who doesn't look away. Be the one who doesn't mind your own business. Be the one who helps the girl or boy get away safely that night.
* Don't further rape culture by doubting a victim's claim of rape just because he or she does not show obvious signs of a struggle. That is you saying, in effect, 'the right to not be sexually used does not actually belong to you, you have to win it, and I don't think you tried hard enough, therefore you don't deserve it.'
* Don't pretend rape is funny. Because when it's in your house, there's nothing funny about it. Before you share that joke about rape, picture yourself telling it to a woman in the emergency room, who's being given an exam by a sexual assault nurse. Imagine telling it to the woman's father and mother, or her husband and children, then see if you still think it's funny.
* Don't assume if a person hasn't said 'no', that it means they're consenting. Find out, or back out. Don't wait till later to learn that your partner was too afraid of you to say it wasn't fun, and they wanted you to stop. Because that's rape too.
* Don't pretend you can't stop what you're doing at any point in time. If you were engaged in sex and your partner suddenly produced a knife and wanted to cut your ear off for their own sexual gratification, you'd damn well want to stop things, and if you couldn't make your partner stop, then that would mean YOU had been raped. Well, you can damn well stop things if your partner says 'no, I don't want to, get off me,' and I don't care HOW far along you are.
* Don't pretend that marrying a man or a woman gives you any right to them sexually. Your husband or your wife still has every right to refuse sex if they don't want to have it. And to ignore, or abridge that right is rape. Yes it is.
* Prevent rape by not raping people. Prevent rape by not laying the responsibility for that prevention on the potential victims, or on law enforcement. Prevent rape by recognizing that committing it is never excusable, and is always a crime. Prevent rape by refusing to accept rapist's excuses. Prevent rape by refusing to allow it to be anything BUT rape.
* Don't assume your right to get your rocks off extends any farther than the end of your own hand. The only person in the entire world who owes you sexual release, is you. If you get it from anyone else, it's either a gift, or it's a theft, full stop.
* Don't assume stimulation equals obligation. Just because you can see skin, or hair, or a pretty arse, you don't have any right to inflict your hormones on the owner of said skin, hair, or arse. He or she owes you nothing beyond your right to see what's in front of you.
* Don't assume anger, frustration, or arousal creates any form of excuse for rape. Plenty of people get mad, frustrated, and aroused every day, and they haven't raped anybody.
* The same goes for childhood abuse. If you choose to become a monster, it's still your choice.
* Don't assume opportunity equals permission. Just because you could take sex from someone who is asleep, or passed out, doesn't in any way lessen the fact that you'd be TAKING it. And that is rape, full stop. Even if the person has told you yes in the past. Really it is.
* Don't use drugs, threats, or emotional or social blackmail to enforce compliance with your sexual demands. That is rape, and it makes you a rapist. Don't do it.
* Don't assume silence equals complicity. If you're telling your buddy about what you'd like to do to that ho with the tramp stamp if you could get her outside, and he says nothing in response, it's probably not because he thinks you're cool. He's probably just trying to control his revulsion. Because most men don't actually like the idea of rape, even if their buddies seem to.
* If you're sexing up another human being, and you don't hear a 'yes' from them, then there is a possibility that you do NOT actually have their consent. And that means what you're doing could be rape. Do not proceed until consent is clear, and you've heard that 'yes'.
* If you're sexing up another being who does not have the legal ability to give their consent, such as a child, or an animal, then you are committing a crime, even if they seem keen on it.
* Don't further rape culture by going with the flow, not making waves, or pretending you don't see it. Often, all it takes to stop a sexual assault or a rape, is for an obvious witness to be there, clearly ready to report what happens. For the would-be rapist to realize that he will be remembered when the cops come asking about it. Be the one who doesn't look away. Be the one who doesn't mind your own business. Be the one who helps the girl or boy get away safely that night.
* Don't further rape culture by doubting a victim's claim of rape just because he or she does not show obvious signs of a struggle. That is you saying, in effect, 'the right to not be sexually used does not actually belong to you, you have to win it, and I don't think you tried hard enough, therefore you don't deserve it.'
* Don't pretend rape is funny. Because when it's in your house, there's nothing funny about it. Before you share that joke about rape, picture yourself telling it to a woman in the emergency room, who's being given an exam by a sexual assault nurse. Imagine telling it to the woman's father and mother, or her husband and children, then see if you still think it's funny.
* Don't assume if a person hasn't said 'no', that it means they're consenting. Find out, or back out. Don't wait till later to learn that your partner was too afraid of you to say it wasn't fun, and they wanted you to stop. Because that's rape too.
* Don't pretend you can't stop what you're doing at any point in time. If you were engaged in sex and your partner suddenly produced a knife and wanted to cut your ear off for their own sexual gratification, you'd damn well want to stop things, and if you couldn't make your partner stop, then that would mean YOU had been raped. Well, you can damn well stop things if your partner says 'no, I don't want to, get off me,' and I don't care HOW far along you are.
* Don't pretend that marrying a man or a woman gives you any right to them sexually. Your husband or your wife still has every right to refuse sex if they don't want to have it. And to ignore, or abridge that right is rape. Yes it is.
* Prevent rape by not raping people. Prevent rape by not laying the responsibility for that prevention on the potential victims, or on law enforcement. Prevent rape by recognizing that committing it is never excusable, and is always a crime. Prevent rape by refusing to accept rapist's excuses. Prevent rape by refusing to allow it to be anything BUT rape.
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no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 10:18 pm (UTC)Was discussing this in the park today. My friend who has been abused in the past and who is doing her dissertation on the role of alcohol in the perception of rape (she's a criminology student, and wants to be a feminist police officer specialising in victim support :]) was ranting at me (not that I didn't agree but she has more salient stats from her course and more personal experience to talk about it) about the stupid, stupid 'excuses' rapists have to explain why it wasn't rape.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-15 11:39 pm (UTC)Also don't agree with:
Do not proceed until consent is clear, and you've heard that 'yes'.
Don't pretend rape is funny. (See my Pterry quote post (http://7rin.livejournal.com/837217.html) for my opinion on laughing at tragedy.)
Find out, or back out. Don't wait till later to learn that your partner was too afraid of you to say it wasn't fun, and they wanted you to stop. Because that's rape too. (That's not rape.)
no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 02:47 am (UTC)I've actually found rape humor sometimes does help me. Takes the big monster in the closet and turns it into something survivable. I seem to recall an old children's story where the only way to defeat the big monster was to laugh at it.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 02:54 am (UTC)I find humour helps me through an awful lot. Then again, I'm one of the few peolpe I knoe who laughs at depression, even when I'm experiencing (note: I'm talking about *having depression*, which is not the same as being depressed).
no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 04:41 am (UTC)Hey, laughter is the only way we've gotten our parents at all comfortable with the multiplicity. They've handled, "The voices in my head demand CANDY!" a lot better than the, "Mom, Dad, there's something that needs to be discussed..."
no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 04:42 am (UTC)Sorry, that was phrased very badly.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 09:23 am (UTC)&I have to say I would definitely consider
"Find out, or back out. Don't wait till later to learn that your partner was too afraid of you to say it wasn't fun, and they wanted you to stop. Because that's rape too." rape, why would you not?
no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 09:27 am (UTC)[Rachelle's friend] is pleased to be back home as a result of a taxi driver not bent on extortion, pillage or murder. I might have a little faith in human nature after this...
9 hours ago · Comment · Like / Unlike
[Someone else] Go on, you wanted, to be pillaged.
9 hours ago
It's not ~~~Super offensive~~~ but to me it's part of a culture that likes to joke about people 'asking for it' etc!
no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 03:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-17 05:49 pm (UTC)With the joke thing, I have no problem with rape victims using humour as a coping strategy but I don't think we should live in a culture where non rape victims find rape funny
no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 11:42 am (UTC)* The same goes for childhood abuse. If you choose to become a monster, it's still your choice.
That one is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. Yes, sometimes people who rape/abuse were raped/abused themselves, and that's horrible, but once you make the decision to do that to another human being you become an abuser, and I have no sympathy for abusers.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-17 05:51 pm (UTC)