![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you moved out, and I don't sleep on a bed of bones
(from "restless" BtVS season 4)
I woke up, I had breakfast, I went to church, i played with the dogs, i messed around on the Internet, and I didn't have a sign saying "survivor of forced prostitution" stuck to my forehead
I laugh, iI love, I hate, I fuck, I grow vegetables, I spill things, i watch too much television, I have a really sweet tooth, see I'm this incredibly complex often really annoying whole rounded human being
I'm not a cardboard cutout, I'm not your exhibit A, I'm not your ideal survivor, I don't want your pity, I don't want you to tell me I'm doing my healing wrong. I'm covered in tattoos which your sheila jeffries would claim as a violation of my body, well I've had my body violated and i know what its like, and tattoos arnt it, tattoos are a reclamation after a violation
and I like sucking cock, and I like fucking men and that too is a reclamation after all the things men did to me, it is not "Stockholm syndrome" or capitulating to the patriarchy it is letting myself be healed enough to share my life, my body my wants with a man that loves me, and that took so, so much work and is such a victory that i don't appreciate it being denigrated.
you ignore me, you ignore my words because I'm the wrong sort of victim, because I refuse to stay where you put me, because I am no longer a mental and emotional mess because of male violence. because you don't think I'm wounded enough
believe me I'm wounded "enough" i have scars all down my forearm, I wake up screaming sometimes, I live with depression and PTSD, I'm infertile, but I'm not telling you that because I don't fucking trust you. You will use my words against me or you will tell me I'm wrong, that it didn't happen the way I say it did, you will tell me what it means when it is up to me to decide what it means, you will erase my words if I talk about my experiences in a way that doesn't further your narrow political aims. Also i don't sit around thinking how wounded I am, I'm healing the bits I can, living with the bits I cant and you know just getting on with my life
you get angry with me when you think i'm not doing enough for "the cause" seriously you know what i do to support women who have been involved in forced prostitution? I survive. Besides which my talents and my passions lie elsewhere, I'm not all that interested in working on porn/prostitution stuff from any angle.
Also you use women, you get them to repeat themselves over and over again to tell you all the gory details over and overagain without oftering them real suport, without offering them any sugestions for real healing. you objectify and retraumatise women, you tell them what they should be thinking rather than giving them tools to help them think for themselves, you talk to them over and over again about porn and prostitution without thinking you might be triggering the shit out of them,
I want none of that, take your pity and your powergames elswhere and let me do my healing in my own way
(from "restless" BtVS season 4)
I woke up, I had breakfast, I went to church, i played with the dogs, i messed around on the Internet, and I didn't have a sign saying "survivor of forced prostitution" stuck to my forehead
I laugh, iI love, I hate, I fuck, I grow vegetables, I spill things, i watch too much television, I have a really sweet tooth, see I'm this incredibly complex often really annoying whole rounded human being
I'm not a cardboard cutout, I'm not your exhibit A, I'm not your ideal survivor, I don't want your pity, I don't want you to tell me I'm doing my healing wrong. I'm covered in tattoos which your sheila jeffries would claim as a violation of my body, well I've had my body violated and i know what its like, and tattoos arnt it, tattoos are a reclamation after a violation
and I like sucking cock, and I like fucking men and that too is a reclamation after all the things men did to me, it is not "Stockholm syndrome" or capitulating to the patriarchy it is letting myself be healed enough to share my life, my body my wants with a man that loves me, and that took so, so much work and is such a victory that i don't appreciate it being denigrated.
you ignore me, you ignore my words because I'm the wrong sort of victim, because I refuse to stay where you put me, because I am no longer a mental and emotional mess because of male violence. because you don't think I'm wounded enough
believe me I'm wounded "enough" i have scars all down my forearm, I wake up screaming sometimes, I live with depression and PTSD, I'm infertile, but I'm not telling you that because I don't fucking trust you. You will use my words against me or you will tell me I'm wrong, that it didn't happen the way I say it did, you will tell me what it means when it is up to me to decide what it means, you will erase my words if I talk about my experiences in a way that doesn't further your narrow political aims. Also i don't sit around thinking how wounded I am, I'm healing the bits I can, living with the bits I cant and you know just getting on with my life
you get angry with me when you think i'm not doing enough for "the cause" seriously you know what i do to support women who have been involved in forced prostitution? I survive. Besides which my talents and my passions lie elsewhere, I'm not all that interested in working on porn/prostitution stuff from any angle.
Also you use women, you get them to repeat themselves over and over again to tell you all the gory details over and overagain without oftering them real suport, without offering them any sugestions for real healing. you objectify and retraumatise women, you tell them what they should be thinking rather than giving them tools to help them think for themselves, you talk to them over and over again about porn and prostitution without thinking you might be triggering the shit out of them,
I want none of that, take your pity and your powergames elswhere and let me do my healing in my own way
